Diary entry – Six months and eleven days

Hello Diary getting my entry in before work. I did sleep for a few hours last night and then at four in the morning my left hand jolted me right out of sleep. Those are one of the worst things being woken up by the pain, it is somewhat unsettling. I had tremors and deep pain from my shoulder to the tips of my fingers, not much I can do about it until I can manage to fall asleep again, which I did about eight o clock for a few more hours. So nice to get that nap, especially since I work today.  I know the Four Aleve are trying to help, it’s something at least.

Now to bundle up, working in the doorway is freezing and getting the hand cold is painful. I wear the compression glove and then the compression sleeve over that and then next with the softest mitten I could find (It’s not but has to do). I put my warm jacket on and then I have a wool sleeve with a thumb-hole to cover the layers. On especially cold days I use a little hot hands packet to ward off a bit more of the nippy air. It sits nicely under the very top layer, since i don’t want it against the skin.  It is three degrees out right now so I will be bundling up the left hand a bit more than usual.

I miss the days when I didn’t have to worry about things like this or having to deal with it twenty-four seven. I know I’m not alone but some days it can feel really lonely. “Sigh” I best be going I will update you when I return from work if I have the energy.

One day at a time

May the unicorns never catch you 


Diary Entry – Six months and ten days

I know, I know I was supposed to write yesterday and it isn’t a good excuse but I really didn’t feel up to writing. Went To physical therapy and after the hot wax treatment and muscle skills, I was pretty unhappy and then spent six hours at work on light duty. I have split days off so today I am going Christmas shopping with my family and then tomorrow back to work until Monday. Happy we get Christmas off plus I technically get that day off anyways.

I tried cannabis oil (hemp oil) on my arm and hand to see if that would help with a bit of lavender mixed in it. It made it colder and didn’t seem to help after a week and the sensitive skin, nerve part hated it.  I didn’t break out like I did with the aspercream with lidocain in it, thank goodness.  I could have tried the oil a bit longer I suppose but it increased the pain and creepy crawly effect.

I dislike the compression glove sleeve thing, it is so hard to find a fabric the  allodynia and cold hyperalgesia accepts against the skin.

One day at a time diary, one day at a time.

May the unicorns never catch you 



Diary entry – Six months and eight days

It has been six months and eight days since my left hand stopped listening to me,  It is still attached to my arm and has a mind of its own.  I think about three months into the process I started realizing my loss and the fact that my doctors were asking me why I haven’t healed properly “yet”(I am imagining air quotes here).  It was still swelling and bruising along with interesting color shades.  I am in excruciating  pain and I did ask for help  with that but was told that it was “to late in the game for pain killers.” I wasn’t really asking for much I just wanted to sleep at night for more than a few hours at a time if I could fall asleep. I awake nightly ( if I can manage to fall asleep in the first place) with it whispering to me that sleep is useless, and isn’t the ceiling interesting. I have contemplated painting something up there or put up a picture.

The left hand is still swelling  along with turning grotesque colors, and I am still unable to move three fingers on their own.  The middle finger gave up five months ago I haven’t felt anything from it since (Lucky bastard). Having no answers, more tests were ordered and then at the end of 4 and a half months I was diagnosed and this brought more questions to the table that were left unanswered. Actually that isn’t completely true, I was told by the two specialists I was referred to that I had to look it up online and research it to fully understand the condition. I kinda felt I was wasting their time and during all this the pain and swelling continued with no relief (Still waiting on the relief part, I’ll let you know diary as soon as I do).  I have learned that I should not have been put on ice therapy for four and a half months of ice therapy for the swelling. I was icing three to four times daily for 20 minutes each. Especially at work, even light duty is hard but I need to make money still. I am hoping to hold my job a bit longer since I am undesirable for another company. Minimum wage is better than nothing even if it is 12 to 18 hours a week. I do miss my 40 hour a week paychecks.

The entirety of the process I have been given nothing for the creepy crawlies and the feeling I rolled my left hand in glass shards and decided to leave them there. The severe joint pain has been eased some by an inhalant I take daily. At least physical therapy it is a bit easier to move my joints with the inhalant. (I so dislike the 10’s unit and I don’t think it is helping).  Well my thumb works and I can move my first finger (index) most days. Some days I try not to use it because of the glass shard feeling and swelling. (I have hypertensive skin, which means everything hurts it.) Like air, cold, materials, seams from materials and apparently sleep. I do have to wear a compression glove type sleeve thing. By the way, nothing is truly seamless, well what I can afford isn’t anyways.

On that diary, it is quite a conundrum on the swelling and making my left hand do anything.  I must make it move even if I help it move to keep the joints from locking up, but if I do that it swells and I am told swelling is a killer. I have to move the hand to not lose it but if I do it swells. See the dilemma, how can I stop the swelling if I have to use it. Both are terrible, terrible things but I make it move since I am more afraid of losing my left hand more. (There are days mind you diary, of dark thoughts on that but that is another day of explanation.)

I should really come up with a name for my left hand other than “it” . All I know diary is I am still researching and trying to find answers and coming to terms with this thing I have attached to me. All I can say at the moment Diary is “One day at a time.”

also diary cold hyperalgesia sucks and so does allodynia.

There is a lot to catch up on diary and it has to wait till next time, see you tomorrow.

May the unicorns never catch you


#Friday Fictioneers – Spring Break


Arms folded on the window sill as sad brown eyes watch the snow fall relentlessly. So much for spring break and getting to the airport,

flustered she flung herself on the couch and sighed loudly.

“No matter how loudly you groan,” Her dad smiled. “You are at the mercy of the weather.”

“It’s not fair you know.” She whined. “I had big plans with my friends and now they are ruined..RUINED!”

“It’s not the end of the world Charlotte.” Her mother chimed in.

“I am pretty sure my social life is nonexistent after this.” Charlotte threw her phone down. “Not even cell service is available.”

“Yeah we noticed that there was no media available right now.” Said her father. “But I am sure it is due to lines being down.”

“You can quit pouting and come put a puzzle together.” Suggested mother.

Charlotte let out a small scream.  “I am in crisis and you want to put puzzles together!”

“Knock it off and get over here and make the best of it.”

Charlotte saw the scary tone in her mothers’ face and complied.

“Honey come join us.” Invited mother.


Charlotte saw her dad standing still at the window, his cup shattered against the floor.



#Friday Fictioneer – Burnt Memory

Cold and alone it sat,  forgotten by even time itself. Wispy fingers wrapped about the charred post, as she swept lightly over the thick layer of ash and dust. None dared enter her domain after the fire took the home. Countless hours she sat at the windows as the world changed about her.  The occasional mortal would catch her dancing among the ashes as she tried to appease the angry corpse that lay beneath. A small glimmer of light shone through the cracked brick and she sat there mesmerized by the small creation. Green curls rose up out of the ash and she smiled and was freed.


Moth of doom (1, black an white)Vibrations flowed through the dark attic floorboards and its eye fluttered open. Light filtered through the cracks and the eye searched for the cause of the disturbance. It spied the family looking about joyously at their new purchase. Frustrated at being awoken she flitted from crack to crack, disturbed by the new hosts invading her home.  Dust that lay thick upon the old floor become obscured and tangled. Her long fingers wiped away age as she peered  into a smaller bedroom. The small child stood at the window and for a moment looked up at the crack. She quickly sat up in disbelief, could this one sense her? Her frail hands clasped together in joy, it had been to long since there had been a believer in the home. She glided to her hiding spot and curled up and lay amused. Company had been so slight lately,  tonight I will have to introduce myself to these intruders.

#Friday Fictioneers – My Love

Dark blue fabric mixed with oil shone on the smooth steel when applied. As the rag was drawn back and forth, It glistened with well kept pride as aged old hands dabbed the last drops from the instruments body. The cloth and oil were placed back in the dark walnut box and exchanged for a special solution for the lenses that released a mist he longed for everyday. Taking the red cloth out he smoothed out the streaks and polished the glass to perfection. Once his tools were placed back in the box he adjusted the settings on the knobs and watched his love.


#Friday Fictioneers – Pest

It started out as innocent as can be. No side effects, no warnings were visible among the creatures. At first the furry pests were nothing more than like the mice in the fields or roaches in the kitchen. “Just another undiscovered wonder!” scientists claimed.

Even the brilliant people were quick to place the blame on the simple folk, especially when things started going terribly wrong. Mind you these things didn’t seem so smart at first and then you could tell they were watching and learning from us. Eventually they emboldened their presence into our everyday lives and simply overtook them.

Hallows’ Eve

         Windows were shuttered as the sun fell from the sky and gray mist rolled in upon the town.  The breath of innocence held tight in mothers arm, as the night rolled in on blackened hooves. Silken mane shone white as it passed under the candles light. The braver peasants kept watch on the passer by that danced upon the cobble streets. He stopped short of the village green, his breath invoked the fog that enveloped the grounds. She lay bound and pristine among the pumpkins and gifts left before the village church. Her eyes fixated to the horned figure that stepped into the torch light , as she squirmed against her  tight bonds. The spiral horn came within inches of her heart and her scream pierced the night.

          Light dawned upon the small town and the villagers gathered by the well, She sat quietly stroking the creatures neck.

          she smiled. “So many we have sacrificed to them.” the unicorns head hit the ground as she rose. “Time to sell the secret to the highest bidder.

#Friday Fictioneers – FireBug

“Lina, Wake up, wake up Lina!”

Her eyes blurred open and the shadows cleared as she found her mother shaking her.

“Is everything okay, mother.” Yawned Lina.

Her mothers eyes always so sad, patted her on the head then walked to the window.

Lina jumped out of bed and joined her. “Can I play with the other children today?”

Mother looked down at her and shook her head. “Not today.”

Lina slumped back onto her bed. “When can I go outside?” she groaned. “I hate this room and I want a friend.”

“You know we have this discussion everyday.” She pulled her daughters uniform from the closet. “Now get ready we have much to do today.”

“We always have lots to do everyday.” As Lina pulled the jumpsuit on. “When is daddy coming home?”

Lina cringed at the dark look her mother gave her.

“Sorry mother, I just miss him so much.”

Lina was scooped up into a hug and her tears became hot rivers down her cheeks. “Mother it is happening again please don’t go.”

The room became orange and the reds lit every corner, she barely heard the alarms as she watched the ashen face disappear into the light.