Diary I do apologize for the silence in between our talks.
It is somewhat difficult to talk about this and coming to terms is quite difficult. I am not ready to come to terms with this affliction. It would mean that I have excepted the damage to my limb and that I am no longer whole. I don’t want to except that I have to learn how to live with 24/7 pain and not have use of my left hand/arm. I am angry that I am treated badly by my managers with the exception of one. The IME doctor is slow with his progress notes I haven’t heard a word since that day. It is so hard to go day by day wondering if today is the day I can’t do it anymore.
The disturbed sleep, tremors and pain are driving me insane. I have to endure, remain strong, my very soul is tired so very exhausted, under distress and turmoil. I can’t let the thing that exists overtake me. It is dark, so very cold within its’ existence.
I’m awake today, I am still intact, I can endure the pain, I MUST ENDURE!
I am angry that I am no longer able to be in a professional kitchen or use the Phlebotomy degree that I earned prior to getting injured. I am angry that at this point in time I cannot have a good job or be considered. I am in limbo.
Thank you Diary for letting me rant
One day at a time
May the unicorns never catch you
The left arm/hand must go!!