It has been six months and eight days since my left hand stopped listening to me, It is still attached to my arm and has a mind of its own. I think about three months into the process I started realizing my loss and the fact that my doctors were asking me why I haven’t healed properly “yet”(I am imagining air quotes here). It was still swelling and bruising along with interesting color shades. I am in excruciating pain and I did ask for help with that but was told that it was “to late in the game for pain killers.” I wasn’t really asking for much I just wanted to sleep at night for more than a few hours at a time if I could fall asleep. I awake nightly ( if I can manage to fall asleep in the first place) with it whispering to me that sleep is useless, and isn’t the ceiling interesting. I have contemplated painting something up there or put up a picture.
The left hand is still swelling along with turning grotesque colors, and I am still unable to move three fingers on their own. The middle finger gave up five months ago I haven’t felt anything from it since (Lucky bastard). Having no answers, more tests were ordered and then at the end of 4 and a half months I was diagnosed and this brought more questions to the table that were left unanswered. Actually that isn’t completely true, I was told by the two specialists I was referred to that I had to look it up online and research it to fully understand the condition. I kinda felt I was wasting their time and during all this the pain and swelling continued with no relief (Still waiting on the relief part, I’ll let you know diary as soon as I do). I have learned that I should not have been put on ice therapy for four and a half months of ice therapy for the swelling. I was icing three to four times daily for 20 minutes each. Especially at work, even light duty is hard but I need to make money still. I am hoping to hold my job a bit longer since I am undesirable for another company. Minimum wage is better than nothing even if it is 12 to 18 hours a week. I do miss my 40 hour a week paychecks.
The entirety of the process I have been given nothing for the creepy crawlies and the feeling I rolled my left hand in glass shards and decided to leave them there. The severe joint pain has been eased some by an inhalant I take daily. At least physical therapy it is a bit easier to move my joints with the inhalant. (I so dislike the 10’s unit and I don’t think it is helping). Well my thumb works and I can move my first finger (index) most days. Some days I try not to use it because of the glass shard feeling and swelling. (I have hypertensive skin, which means everything hurts it.) Like air, cold, materials, seams from materials and apparently sleep. I do have to wear a compression glove type sleeve thing. By the way, nothing is truly seamless, well what I can afford isn’t anyways.
On that diary, it is quite a conundrum on the swelling and making my left hand do anything. I must make it move even if I help it move to keep the joints from locking up, but if I do that it swells and I am told swelling is a killer. I have to move the hand to not lose it but if I do it swells. See the dilemma, how can I stop the swelling if I have to use it. Both are terrible, terrible things but I make it move since I am more afraid of losing my left hand more. (There are days mind you diary, of dark thoughts on that but that is another day of explanation.)
I should really come up with a name for my left hand other than “it” . All I know diary is I am still researching and trying to find answers and coming to terms with this thing I have attached to me. All I can say at the moment Diary is “One day at a time.”
also diary cold hyperalgesia sucks and so does allodynia.
There is a lot to catch up on diary and it has to wait till next time, see you tomorrow.
May the unicorns never catch you